Clearing …

The most critical time in Noah’s life was/is between the stages of surgery. Time between the Norwood and the Glenn was at a standstill and our family tabled a lot of topics. I feel like it is time to start clearing the table and unpacking all that has happened in the last year. I openly admit that living in a high-stress situation changes everything. Our girls have gone without discipline, attention and instruction from Sean and I. Had it not been for their grandparents and friends that feel more like family, I am not even sure if they would have had three meals a day. We have become very relaxed with TV time, ipads and other things that I once swore I would never allow. Sean described our situation … we’re still in the forest but for a moment, we have found ourselves in a clearing. The clearing has provided rest and a season to refocus, breathe and establish a new normal.

Post Glenn I had one thing on my mind… Target. I used to dream of the day when I could go to Target and purchase 12, 2t, 3t etc. month old clothes. When you live with CHD, it can be hard to think far into the future. Unless you know what I mean, you won’t know what I mean. Though I went to Target to purchase shampoo for the kids and other small household products, I bee lined for the boys section. I couldn’t help but purchase some of the $3 boy t-shirts for Noah. Our son has a full life ahead and I am not going to be afraid to dream about our future. I let the tears of joy flow as I thought about future milestones and first words. It is time to return to the living.

I am starting to have those conversations with myself that most mom’s have after giving birth … you know the ones about making slightly healthier food choices and being intentional about this or that because throughout pregnancy, it just didn’t matter. I am also preparing my heart and mind for the inevitable return to work. Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching but the truth also stands that I am Noah’s nurse, advocate and sometimes his pillow. Though running to and from doctor appointments is often hard; it is my pleasure. Clearly, this boy is a world changer and I love him so very much. I know transitioning back to the classroom may come with its own challenges, but I will soon be ready for the privilege.

While the Cardiology appointments were once full of questions geared toward Noah’s survival, they are now full of questions pertaining to our future. We talk about the dreams we have for Noah and his doctors are just as excited to chime in with their hopes for him as well.

Life really is different post Glenn … because we are now talking about LIFE.

Romans 15:13 also plays on repeat in my mind. My prayer is always that the God of hope will fill you too with peace as you trust in Him. We certainly don’t know what the future holds but boy do we know WHO holds it. In light of my life over the past year … I am living for eternity. My hope is in Heaven.

Thank you to all of those that are helping to provide Noah’s nursing care. We simply can’t express how much this means to our family. Yesterday, a wonderful gal, possibly an angel, came and volunteered her time to help with needs around our home. This gal has an incredible servants heart and I have no doubt that wherever she goes, people are changed for the better. Help is so appreciated.

On that note: inspired by the incredible outpouring of love for Noah and our family … my hope is to do for others what has been done for us. I don’t know what that looks like just yet however; My Heart Beats will be an extension of our story, because of our story. In the not too far future I hope you’ll consider being a part of My Heart Beats because we truly are better Together!


Niccole Connally